Road Rage

I would like to share with you a story, one of rush hour, and sword fights and...well, okay, no sword fights. It might be most accurate to call this a lesson in human behavior, but I highly doubt you'll learn anything.

What do you think of when I use the term "Zen Driving?" I think of someone who doesn't stress out, goes where the road happens to, and can sit in rush hour traffic enjoying the scenery. This is my character in this story, I am the zen driver.

Now, what do you think of when the words "Road Rage" are used together? I would think of angry rednecks in pickup trucks, throwing things (and words) at one another at high speeds, and wielding their vehicles in a dangerous fashion. In this case, the part of the road raging drivers are played by two yuppie-looking white woman, one about 25-30, the other in her 40's.

The stage is Interstate 25, through the middle of the busiest part of downtown Denver, during the peak of rush hour, with a tiny brush of a rain/snow mix on the roads. All of the drivers are on edge, those brave, and rude enough, burst through the cautious slow drivers, creating mass chaos and a bit of panic. Our zen driver simply enjoys the ride, iPod on shuffle, listening to whatever pops up at the time.

On an exit ramp, the weather seems to have many drivers confused as to which direction they truly want to go, so they change lanes at the last second before the light turns green, to let them go on their way to whatever destination.

This brings us to our incident, where the 40-something driver pulls out abruptly from in front of me, directly in the path of the younger driver – maybe qualified as a near miss, but nothing particularly harmful. However, horns are exchanged, gestures are tossed about, and lots of shouting from within soundproof cabins. (Ever seen a woman flip someone off with a wedding ring 3x the size of her finger? Very lady-like.)

For approximately 5 miles off the highway, these two drivers take turns tailing each other, cutting each other off, slowing to absurd speeds and jostling other drivers in the process – but mostly just targeting each other.

At this point, the zen driver is confusing other motorists, and potentially upsetting the road raging woman, by laughing hysterically to herself, in yet another soundproof car cabin, as "You've Got a Friend in Me" (of Toy Story, off the magical Disney collection) popped up on the shuffled iPod connected to the stereo, just as this ordeal began.

Brilliant timing, or a coincidence? You decide.

Now, Imagine me, only beating my friends with sticks while humming You've Got a Friend in Me.