Dating in Two Parts

Part I: Superheroes and the Disney Complex.

As a child, everyone has strange absurd fantasies about growing up to be successful and marry the most beautiful people – who, by the time you're old enough to be married, will be old and decrepit.

The majority of people get completely ruined by life before they even get a second to reminisce about these good old days - of wanting to marry the guy from Charles in Charge (he can be in charge of me any day, rowr) or for the guys, doing horrible things to Cheetara. I, however, remain undeterred!

My first memorable crushes were as follows; Donatello of the Ninja Turtles, Egon of Ghostbusters, and Beast of The X-men (closely followed by Nightcrawler. I like blue) in the delicate single-digit ages.


I have "grown up" clinging to as many of my hopes and dreams as possible, maybe changing hands a few times, but still equally absurd. My biggest all-star crush for the past several years would have to be certain incarnations of Spider-man (see: not movie version). There are reasons for this, but I think it's best to leave this as one of those "you wouldn't understand" moments.



There are others along the way, but I digress – and get somewhat to the point.

Why I can psychologically blame Disney and Pop Culture for my failed relationships

Starting kids off on the right foot, Disney has allegedly given girls the expectation that the "right guy" is really a man riding a horse in armor while looking as attractive as humanly possible showing up at just the right second (and breathe....) to rescue you from some great evil happy ending something something, and exhale.

I now apply this theory to that of my Superhero/pop-culture lus...I mean love. I have been exposed to cartoons, bad 80's movies, and television from a very early age. Clinging to things like Ghostbusters and the Ninja Turtles, I connected with the geekier side of the pop-culture world. I even eventually became enthralled by the success of general nerdisms.

How does this relate to the Disney theory? Well, so far, none of my significant others has sprouted wings, swung from webs, lived in the sewers (though, one may have made a weekend home in one...Shhh, don't tell him I said that) had laser beam eyes, or any super-smart abilities. What a disappointment, right?

Well, the way I look at it, one of two things clearly needs to happen;
1.Human beings develop superpowers or stop being so human.
2.I plant my feet firmly in reality.

Basically, the latter will never happen - so to any prospective boyfriends, if there is a radioactive spider, or gamma radiated snake in the bed – IT WASN'T ME!

Part II: My Theory, Why First Dates are like Job Interviews.

You're expected to dress above and beyond what you would normally wear.

You're expected to show up on time. Too early and you're desperate, too late and you're not interested.

Your first impression will be what determines the follow-up phone call.

If you do succeed, there is a fairly high chance you will be miserable the rest of your life.

You're required to (try to) pass yourself off as a decent human being, whether you are or not, leading to a lot of disappointment of bosses and significant others alike, down the road.

There is a certain etiquette that is expected – proper eye contact, guy pays, complimentary hug, shake hands.



Yea, so this may be stretching it a bit, but maybe this is why the job market is so miserable. People are generally expected to do these things in both situations; spend extra time getting ready to look nicer than usual, lie about the things they like, laugh at stupid jokes, smile even if they're miserable, shake hands, whatever.

Now imagine me, only starting a kissing booth in Gotham City.