Nintendo has picked up a bad rep in the past few years for it's apparent lack of 'Hardcore' games. Presumably meaning games like; Grand Theft Auto, where you clearly learn to shoot hookers and run over cops with a controller. Or something like Metal Gear Solid, where you'll infiltrate some government organization with the intention of exposing a top secret agenda. However, the one thing Nintendo has that no other system has done right, is the realistic accessories.
Using a controller to aim a gun isn't nearly the same thing as learning to use a toy gun to aim at a screen and execute head shots. Or drive over hookers with a realistic steering wheel rather than tilting a joystick. Wii has more hardcore capabilities than any other game system, and here's why;
The newest installment of the Mario Kart games features just the realistic looking steering wheel I mentioned. What is to keep kids from learning getaway driving using the motions of this controller accessory - learning to stay clear of every animated cow that will inevitably be in your path while fleeing the authorities?
Which is more likely to mimic the real motions of driving?
The Nintendo Light gun was an invention released on the NES system in 1984 to be used primarily with the game "Duck Hunt" where the goal was to aim a realistic looking gun at your TV screen to hit these helpless ducks.
This game misleads our youth into thinking your reputation is ruined if you're laughed at by some jerks smartass dog, if you don't successfully aim at, and shoot a poor unsuspecting duck.
The Wii has a few variations of this light gun, giving you the gangster style Perfect Shot, or the rifle style Wii Zapper. The Wii Zapper comes with Links Crossbow training, where I've become addicted to shooting goblins, winged creatures and perfecting my target shooting. I blame the original Nintendo for my desire to point a gun...I can now take on hordes of ducks and goblins alike without breaking a sweat.
The Wii Balance Board is a new accessory released with the very popular Wii Fit.
This poor cat had no idea what it was getting into when Halo3 was released. It wasn't until the Wii Fit balance board called this cat morbidly obese that things were set in motion. During his Halo days, this cat didn't think about anything but food and shooting noobs in the face. Now that Nintendo is involved, this cat is learning new tricks.
Because of the Wii Fit Balance Board, this cat can now run, jump, and move like a normal cat. Making it much easier to flee from authorities on foot, and the bitterness from being called fat...well, this cats life took a turn for crime. Now hired as an assassin at 1/3 his original size, he gets his revenge using the skills he learned from the Wii Zapper combined with his new Wii Fit body...things will get ugly.
Video games are supposed to be rated according to how dangerous they are. Mature ratings are stamped on games that have gore you create by using the controller. Yet games that teach you real, dangerous skills go completely unchecked.
See, Jack Thompson, this is how ridiculous you sound. As for anyone who took this seriously I have a 3 step program for you;
1.Go to the bathroom and locate your toothbrush, it doubles the effect if there is toothpaste on the brush.
2.grip said toothbrush firmly in your right hand.
3.now stab yourself in the left eye once for every time you honestly agreed with me.
Now imagine me, only robbing a bank with the original wii zapper all whack on the Scooby snacks.
5 comments:
Wow. Good post. You worked in some awesome pictures, good 80's Nintendo humor, LOLcats, and a Scooby Snack joke all into one review. I am in awe.
ROFLMAO!!!!...
*still laughing too hard to breathe or type*
ahhh... haha.... thats great.
This was one of my favorite articles that you've done. I quite enjoyed the layout of your 3-step program, too --- It sounds quite effective.
I'll never get over Jack Thompson, I really won't. I won't wish badly of the guy --- I'm not that type of person. But he definitely shouldn't be in the line of work he's in (was in?) if that's the way he's going to look at everything.
Sexy picture of you with the zapper, too, by the way. ;)
@Trip;
I may have gone a little nerd-overboard, but I toned some of it down...I had some screen shots from Duck Hunt, but it got too cluttered...
@ Tiff;
Glad you appreciate it, I thought it could be fun for some people.
@ Peter;
Jack Thompson is a moron, and doesn't even research his points. I don't wish poorly on him, except maybe the toothbrush punishment.
And thanks :)
That is hysterical.
I can't say duck hunt is entirely innocent though. My brain has thrown a targeting reticle on a flock of geese before.
"News at 11. Lightgun wielding super-thief strikes again! Police baffled by her success."
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