Conventions

Rolling into the month of September, I was hit with a wave of nostalgia for things I used to do this time of year. One of those things that inspired excitement from my high school years was the Nan Desu Kan convention. Conventions draw a lot of negative attention toward geeks, nerds, and dorks – and the cause of this negative attention is an obnoxious handful of those geeks, nerds, and dorks themselves.

I'm talking about Fanboys or Fangirls. Fans are people who appreciate an art – be it video games, anime, science fiction, comic books, or electronics. Fanboys/Fangirls are the completely obsessed fanatics that drive everyone else up a wall, and do so with little style or tact. Here, I will present a few tips to bring harmony, or something like it, to the convention world.

For one, if you are old enough to attend one of these events without adult supervision, act like it. It is not necessary to run, gallop, or skip to any place or person – whatever you've targeted will probably be around for the entire weekend. Use indoor voices, as shouting and otherwise yelping at one another is rude and obnoxious.

Your intellect is not so overwhelming that things like “excuse me,” “please,” and “thank you” are beyond you. Being a know-it-all does more to annoy than impress, and it is necessary to know and understand the difference. Please don't start spewing worthless information at me – and “would you like to see my lightsaber” is not a clever or effective pick-up line. Observe “normal” behaviors and imitate them, if you're so smart.

An important rule, that also seems to be the most ignored or overlooked, is hygiene. It is necessary to bathe on a daily basis, and this is especially important when you are packed in tight quarters with similar people. This issue seems to extend into every nerd realm I've ever wandered into. Gamers, Otaku, Trekkies and whatever-you-call-comic-book-nerds seem to share this ailment, and it doesn't have to be so.

There is a simple solution to the hygiene issue, and it goes something like this;

1.Hotels, apartments, and homes have a bathroom, with some form of shower or bathtub installed standard. This part is simple; locate this device and turn the handles until water is dispensed.

2.Regulate the water temperature by testing with your hand, if this is your first time – the sting means the water is too hot, not that your skin will fall off.

3.Stand under the running water, or submerge yourself in the bath water and apply some form of soap and shampoo. Soap is inexpensive, and comes in a variety of styles to match your particular lifestyle and personality.

4.Scrub your entire body. Soap does not work alone, it needs the assistance of friction.

5.Dry off, and be sure to apply deodorant. Deodorant can be purchased at any convenience store or grocery store, and is of vital importance in this process – or it will all be for nothing.

6.Finally, wear clean clothes when you assemble yourself for venturing outdoors.

All of these steps can be completed within 10 minutes for a standard human being, and you will have rescued many people from a wall of odor that otherwise lingers. If you feel like being really fancy, there are alternative methods and add-ons, but don't overwhelm yourself right away. Practice makes perfect.

Cosplaying is common practice at many conventions; from the wookies to the Vash the Stampedes and then some. This suggestion is specific to people that participate in this art, which can be beautiful, but is often marred. Please, please, please, wear costumes that fit your body type and age. Or, at least alter the costume from the original design to be tasteful. Also, it helps to not wear the same costume the entire weekend, bring at least one change of clothes – this falls under the hygiene category again.


You may make a pedophiles dream come true. Cute, but creepy.

Cross-dressing is acceptable only if done correctly. I personally saw an amazing Princess Peach that was very convincing until he had to speak. Then, you have the man-Faye, who is only famous in the convention world simply because of bad taste.


Don't be man-Faye.

In a public hotel where one of these conventions was held, I had an older gentleman pull me aside and ask “What is wrong with these people?” Referring to the terrible cosplayers that were unrecognizable and barely legal to be in public. Please don't make me explain this stuff to the rest of the world.

The bottom line, there are fans that do not fall into these stereotypes, and we would like to be allowed to celebrate our arts without having to walk through a thick cloud of stink and eye vomit to get there.

Now, imagine me, only showering often on behalf of funky nerds everywhere.