The Seven Deadly Sins of Christmas

Disclaimer: None of this is meant to be taken seriously. Otherwise, enjoy.

Gluttony:

Aside from the primary reason for Christmas (see; loot) the holidays other primary attraction is food. And, oh! The food that will be had. Many people attending multiple social events, or simply massive feasts with family and friends. Some Christmas songs will even demand food;



"Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer

We won't go until we get some;
We won't go until we get some;
We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here",

Either way, food is a theme for Christmas, the holiday of sharing and receiving and gorging.

Wrath:

Remember the mothers that got into fistfights/trampled over Tickle Me Elmo, or Furby? Christmas shoppers are the most angry, scary people on the planet. Either as a fellow customer, or especially as a retail slave - they will mow you down, steal parking places, dive in front of you for that perfect gift, and point the blame if they waited too long and missed out.



Lust:

One word: Mistletoe.



Greed:

Its the holiday of gifts, and easily the most commercialized holiday there is (tying in with Wrath nicely) – children are bribed to behave for fear of Santa Clause, and the result of that bribery is usually horribly spoiled children that kick and scream and always want more.

Companies will absolutely cash in on this holiday, releasing movies, books, and games just in time. Creating hype for things that may or may not be any good, convincing people that their children, siblings, and friends will cease to exist if they don't buy whatever-it-is-they're-selling right this second.

Envy:

Holiday television/magazines/newspapers will advertise one of three things; loot, food, and sex. If you're not snuggling by the fire with somebody, or getting gifts by the truckload, or eating a gigantic dinner with loving family and friends (emphasis on loving,) then you're a lonely worthless person. This causes massive amounts of unnecessary spite from people who are normally good natured.

Pride

National Lampoon started the tradition of going above and beyond the necessary amount of Christmas lights on ones house. The tradition of tacky overdecorating to show up your neighbor just to inflate your ego is not going anywhere anytime soon.



Nobody needs 5 Santa's. There can only be one.

Sloth:

One of the odd traditions for Christmas is to park the family in front of a television to watch a good ole game of Football, after an evening of gorging and greed; maybe a boarder-line sin – but I'd like to see you think of something better!

I'm not a scrooge, I'm just drawn that way – and I could go into a rant about how much “we've lost sight of the true meaning...” blah, blah – but instead, I'll say: Happy Christmahannakwanzika!