Saturday, May 28, 2011
Isley's Reaction to a Dinosaur
Thursday, May 26, 2011
[Rough Draft] Chapter One -Amber Adler
Chapter 1: Amber Adler
We've all heard and said it a thousand times: Times, they're tough. That's what happens though. Up and down on the roller coaster of life. Some days you're up, and days like today you're not. Take my predicament for instance. I'm just now walking away from an eight-hour shift behind a cash register along side twelve other red-shirt wearing lemmings at the largest Target in metro Denver area. My fake smile serving the mindless masses who need to take care of all of their shopping needs in one stop. That's not how it always was, though. In fact, up until recently this gig would be considered my cover, not my day job.
Mere weeks ago I was sitting in an office taking clients up on all sorts of crazy, stalker-like requests. “Watch my babysitter, I think she's shady,” was an interesting request recently. See, most of the investigating is done online anymore. Like that four-square program. Man do I love that thing. It's so easy to trace someones steps when their Facebook account shows exactly where they were last – especially if they check in at “casa (last name)” periodically so you know when they're home, which is a good place to start following someone. It's easier to track people when you know where they've been, and it made following this teenage babysitter around all the easier. I just checked my blackberry for her activity updates and met her there.
Not to sound like my job is easy by any means, it's just aided along from 10 years ago by the advancements in technology and the naivety of anyone using a Facebook or twitter account.
I will admit though, most of the investigations I do are pointless. Everyone suspects everyone else, and they don't want to pay if you don't find something incriminating. This suspicious family tried to stiff me after a report of their babysitter attending high school, working at a pizza joint in her neighborhood to pay for her car, and going home to a less than friendly home environment, and that's it. Tough luck guys, she wasn't so seedy after all. Hopefully they didn't take their frustrations out on her after she wasn't doing anything wrong, simply because they had to pay for the services rendered by me.
Or the other fun investigations, “My lawyer's been sleeping with my wife, and I need proof,” that always required mostly on-foot work. Actively tailing someones wife wherever she goes. Doctors appointments, work, salon – yawn. Until you get those damning pictures that pay the bills or the all-clear after weeks of work, life as a private investigator is not really like the detective stories. Fortunately the aforementioned tech also takes out most of the stakeouts that are basically a waste of time.
I have to admit though, it's probably easier following women when you're a woman yourself. I can get close to all of the right places without standing out. Who's going to suspect another woman in a salon, when her hair is definitely in need of some TLC? I'm even pretty good at following men around when the job calls for it. Not many men get the clues when I'm flirting with them in a bar, tape recorder in my purse recording every word with a pretty spiffy directional mic - whether they're flirting back to confirm suspicion, or spilling their guts after one too many Heineken keg cans.
I reminisce about those good old days when my career was working out for the most part. That suspicious attitude that the general populace carried around with them brought in the paychecks. Now I have no car, and little remaining pride. Sure, things can turn around just as quickly, but I am free to mope on my walk home regardless.
Right now I'm thinking about my office. My home away from home – which actually became my home when I gave up paying rent at my apartment. Right now the only living creature in my office is my dog, Gypsy. She's keeping my chair warm for me no doubt, and knocking over everything at tail-level with her excited wagging whenever a client, janitor, or wrong address does stop by. I had nice things in there at one point, but now I have too much stuff in too little space.
The placard that sat neatly on my desk advertising “Amber Adler” has been so badly scratched on its many trips to the floor from Gypsy's homicidal tail, that it is finally stashed in the bottom drawer of my knock-off Ikea desk. Instead of the expensive engraved stainless steel on a lacquered wood base advertising my name, I finally gave up and penned “A. Adler” on a piece of blue construction paper that I'd folded in a triangular shape so it would stand upright on its own.
Classy, I know. It's what I get for sharing my office with the mutt. Don't get me wrong though, Gypsy is great. No one really wants to stiff a girl when a snarling 90lb boxer-whatever mix is standing behind her. She's saved me a handful of trouble in lawsuits and unnecessary fights. I don't even need to carry a gun, I just bring Gypsy on the job. Not that I can afford a revolver anyway. Do you know what those things cost? A lot. Then the ammo? I'm better off with the expense in dog food.
I was doing so well. So why am I here? As I mentioned sometime before, times have been tough, and people started to recognize me. I guess you can only do so many jobs before people doing wrong start to suspect I'd be hired. Most of my recent jobs were false alarms like that babysitter girl. People stopped wanting to pay for me to get the cops called on me for trespassing as my latest stalking victim became suspicious and planned ahead. So much so I'm in this ridiculous uniform, working basic retail for a shoddy living, if you can call it that.
I stopped paying rent on my apartment months ago, and the office building I rent has a shower in the security guard station in the basement. I saved a few bucks with this little set-up, and who's to complain? I rarely get to bring boys home, anyway. I'm now grateful I invested in a fold-out couch for clients when I did, and the $50 thrift store cabinet to hold my basic necessities – such as cereal and bowls. The mini fridge some college students down the street were tossing out works to hold things like milk, and beer (for clients, don't give me that look). They never stay long enough to make use of the couch or beer though, and it's not so bad to sleep here at the end of the day.
This sweet setup also leaves me available for those late night encounters as someone finds their way to my building after the rest of the businesses have closed up shop for the day. It's just too bad the building isn't locked, and the walls facing the hallway are made entirely of glass – so even the sketchy characters get a show of whatever position I managed to fall asleep in or roll into by the time they show up.
My office is rarely locked unless I'm in it, so it's easy to sneak up on Gypsy when I get back from my shift. It's about 10pm now, after the store closed and released me for the evening. Gypsy is curled up in my chair, hanging off either side because she doesn't realize she's too big for it. It takes me dropping my messenger bag on the floor for her to finally stir. First it's a bit of a bark when she's startled awake, but quickly because a lethal tail wagging and excited greeting.
“Hi baby, any messages?” I ask her, kicking my feet up on the desk, my chair already warmed from her body heat. I open the second desk drawer – the too-tall one that dwarfs my top and bottom drawer, and scoop out a Mickey Mouse collectors cup's worth of dog food to her dish under the desk. She happily starts eating her late dinner as I pick up the receiver to my office phone (what? It's bundled with my internet, I might as well use it) and wait for the messages to start lining up for me. Nothing. Not even my mom calling to ask when I'm going to make it home for dinner. Harsh guys, harsh.
I decide to pop open my macbook and check messages there. An e-mail perhaps? Or some obscure Facebook message waiting for me to save the day or spy on someone? Nope. A few angry e-mails from clients who weren't happy with their false alarm reports, and some offers to “inlarge” my “pen1s” - but nothing of interest. I scan all of my usual haunts; Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter – the usual. Maybe I'm drinking a beer for dinner, you don't know for sure. I don't get paid for another three days, so I take the calories where I can.
After a mindless hour or so of internet entertainment and a brief dog walk to do Gypsy's private business, I decide to kick up my feet and sleep on the couch. Half the time I don't even bother pulling it out anymore, just unfolding a blanket and falling to sleep accordingly. Gypsy takes up her spot on the floor next to me, snoring happily as the dreams of chasing cats come to life.
Sometime after 3a.m. A loud crash pulls me out of a strange dream of rabbits and retail scanners. I squint in the half-lit room to find Gypsy is standing with her heckles held high, watching the poorly illuminated hallway and a figure standing at the glass. Waking up to a stranger peering in your all-glass door is a bit unnerving, to say the least.
“Gypsy,” I address the dog, “Put your spikes away,” I tell her, stretching and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I cautiously make my way to the door and push open the mail slot to allow sound to flow more freely.
“You lost, pal?” I inquire to the strange little man standing at my door. His balding head and overlarge glasses reflect the few lights on in the hall. I can't tell what he's wearing – but his clothes, or all of him stinks. I can smell his odor through the door. Some strange mixture of unwashed body, cigarette smoke, and perhaps a dose of marijuana, piss, and alcohol.
“Are you,” he begins, crouching closer to the open mail slot in the door. “A-are you, Adler?” He half-whispers as though someone in the vacant building might hear him. I can tell this is going to be an interesting day.
Here's another feedback request. Sure are a lot of these lately, huh? This is my introduction to the character Amber Adler, and I'm looking for anything and everything suggestion-wise to make her work. She's a quirky character, and her flaws will come forth eventually. Please leave any feedback you can think of, anonymously or otherwise. I'd love to hear from you, really really.
"Share criticism to get criticism, grow and learn accordingly."
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
[Rough Draft] Test
Brief intro here: I really liked how these characters began to write themselves over time (I'd never make a Helen Keller crack of my own accord). This is one of the concepts I'm planning to expand on, hopefully to the realm of novella at the very least. Please let me know what you think if you survive the daunting length without pretty image breaks.
Walking to class every day, Dave, Justin, and Stan never seemed to notice the towering figure of a dilapidated elementary school. Tonight however, the blackened brick and boarded windows mark the trios final destination. The three college seniors enter the condemned grounds, approaching the tall wooden doors behind the outline of a woman.
“Hello, ma’am,” The red-headed Stan says politely to the tall, thin figure of the woman. She stares at them through large sunglasses in spite of the pitch dark night around them, tight blond curls bounce around her. She responds immediately with an outstretched hand.
“Uh,” Justin, tallest and most handsome of the boys with dark black hair and brilliant green eyes, mutters. “Lookin’ for these?” he adds, handing her three invitations. “Can we call you somethin’, or is that not your style?” he smirks, adjusting his collar to guard against the crisp Fall wind.
“As the invitations you’ve received state, I am G.M.” she finally says in a sultry voice that makes Justin’s hair stand on end. “You know why you’re here, yes?” she inquires, producing 3 new pieces of paper on clipboards for each of them.
“Of course we do,” Dave of average height and tough build, lies. None of them had actually taken the time to read the whole invitation. Two lines did stand out to each of them, though. “Contest,” and “Cash reward.” A chance to prove themselves against one another is always in their interest, cash is a bonus.
“Good, then you don’t mind signing these waivers,” G.M. states. She hands them the clip boards for each to read. They sign quickly, barely glancing at the words on the paper.
“As stated in your invitations, this is a contest that will utilize each of your unique skills. You’ve been selected based on your academic performances, as well as your close relationship to one another,” G.M. begins. “My employer has watched you for some time, and hopes you will do well in these tasks.”
Justin and Dave are mesmerized by the way her ruby red lips move when she speaks. Stan is more interested in watching her breathing sway up and down in her tight fitting dress suit coat.
“So, what do you want us to do, exactly?” Justin asks after realizing G.M. has stopped speaking. “What kinda contest?” He adds, trying to sound competent.
“Yea,” Dave and Stan echo. Stan slouches awkwardly, adjusting his glasses as soon as he realizes where he’s staring. Dave continues to stare at her perfect lipstick, snapping back to reality as a closed fist hit his shoulder.
“It’s simple. You’re to survive for 36 hours, completing tasks as they’re given to you via P.A. system from inside the school. All of the necessary accommodations are there for you, but,” she lowers her head as though to scold them with her posture, “You already knew that.”
“Er, right. So what now?” Dave asks, absently rubbing his shoulder where Justin struck him out of his daydream.
“Now, you follow me. The guards will check the doors once you’re settled in,” G.M. turns on her heel, opening the doors with one powerful thrust. Her body is strong, her posture authoritative. Justin, Dave, and Stan all follow, trying to keep from staring at her powerful yet graceful sway.
G.M. bows her head slightly before giving her final instruction, “You have one hour to orient yourselves. After that, your first set of instruction will be delivered.” She peers at them through her dark glasses, “Good luck to each of you, I look forward to shaking hands with the winner on Sunday.”
Justin and Dave look at each other confidently while Stan stares at the floor. With a long creaking moan, the doors close. They can hear chains being pulled through the handles outside. They couldn’t seem to do anything but stare at the doors.
“Well, that wasn’t creepy at all. Why didn’t she turn the lights on?” Justin says, breaking the silence.
“I dunno,” Dave replies, “Stan-my-man, go find a light switch,” he orders.
“Who put you in charge?” Stan asks indignantly, trying to hide his discomfort with the dark surroundings. “I have no idea where the damned light switch is, you find it,” he retorts.
“Geez wusses, I’ll do it,” Justin scoffs. The others barely make out Justin’s form, arms stretched in front of him. Dave shrugs, heading the opposite direction. Stan gropes the walls next to the main doors.
“Got ‘em!” Dave shouts through the dark. As he hits the switch, old fluorescent hanging lamps begin humming to life. Some of the bulbs pop and burn out, while others flicker at their brightest.
The hallway is long and narrow. Stan stares principals office directly in front of him, chains holding the ornate door closed. Dave, off to the left is in front of a large arched wall with a small square door in the middle. Justin, on the opposite side of the hall finds a few barred windows.
“That’s weird,” Justin says, gesturing for the others to join him. “Look’it this. These bars are on the inside of that already-boarded window.”
Stan shifts uneasily. “That’s kinda weird, too,” he says, nodding to the chains over the principals office door.
“Okay, we’ve got an hour, right? Let’s see which doors in this place open and which don’t,” Dave suggests.
“Hold on a sec!” Justin demands, “We don’t have any idea what we’re gonna find. We should stick together, just in case. I’d also like to see where we’re supposed to be sleeping, too,” Stan nods his agreement quickly, following Dave and Justin through the small arched door.
As the trio enter a second hallway, they notice the air is very heavy and stale. Dust, dirt, broken blackboards and pieces of wood are scattered around the floor. Dave hits the switches on the archway. The lights play the same game as they had before, buzzing and crackling to life before pathetically illuminating the hall.
“Now, isn’t this cozy?” Justin jokes, kicking a pile of debris out of his way. A cloud of dust rises into the air, “So fresh, too.” Dave snorts in amusement at Justin. Stan, on the other hand, covers his mouth and nose, coughing violently.
“Dude, what’s your issue Stanny?” Justin asks, not in the most concerned or caring of voices.
“My asthma, dick! You kicked up all that dust and stuff, I could die in here!” Stan begins hyperventilating while complaining. “There aren’t any windows, or anything for fresh air. This sucks!” He continues to protest. Dave and Justin ignore him, making unflattering faces at one another to mock Stan.
“Four possible bedrooms in the form of classrooms,” Dave observes aloud. “I think we can split up from here and check around. Maybe we can crack a window for captain geek over there, too,” Dave chuckles to himself before approaching the first door.
“Okay, this one has a busted handle, and I think some shit is piled up on the other side. Door one won’t budge,” Dave confirms, moving on to the second door. Stan takes the door on the immediate right, while Justin explores the far room.
So far, no beds, food, or water for anyone. Each of these rooms is dark with just as much debris as the hallway. “I haven’t smelt anything so stale since laundry day,” Justin tells himself, hoping to hear a chuckle. “Ah, well,” he mutters before heading back to the hallway.
“Nothin,” Justin reports. “Same,” Dave confirms. Stan just nods. They trek up the stairway at the far end of the hallway. The stairway is in worse disrepair than the hallway or any of the first floor rooms. Tiles, part of the banister on either side, and all of the lights are broken.
“Hazardous, yet spacious,” Justin says with a wide gesture advertising the size of the stairwell. They make their way carefully up the stairs, through another set of double doors. After finding a light switch covered in cobwebs, the second floor is dimly lit.
Stan had a sudden burst of energy as he feels a draft down the hall. “I got the far-end down there,” he announces before jogging to the furthest door, tripping over debris along the way. When he opens the door, he immediately inhales the breeze coming from a small crack in the window. This one wasn’t fully boarded like the others, though the bars were still firmly in place.
Examining this room by limited moonlight he notices three very dusty cots, and a loaf of bread. He takes the opportunity to claim the cot closest to the window, tossing his jacket on it.
“Hey guys, I got something,” Stan shouts. The walls carry his voice through the whole building. Both of his companions emerge from dark rooms, excited for any discovery.
“Nice find, Stan-man,” Justin exclaims, giving Stan a hearty slap on the back. Dave and Justin toss their jackets on their cots, and sit to await instructions. The hour passes slowly while theories of their contest are bounced between them, each more ridiculous than the last.
At seven P.M. sharp the P.A. system crackles to life, and the lights in the hallways go out. The voice of the mysterious G.M. begins to speak. “As your first task, you are to find three pieces of yellow paper. There is a single flashlight somewhere on the second floor, which you may use in your search.” she clears her throat, “You have until midnight to find these papers. Read them carefully. Good luck,” she finishes, the speaker system fades once more.
“Uh, Okay. Should we split up to find the flashlight? I mean, we can totally hear each other no matter where we end up,” Dave suggests, “a flashlight is pretty much necessary.”
“Yea, good idea,” Justin chimes in, looking to Stan who simply nods his agreement.
The group searches the second floor, feeling around in the dark for anything that could possibly resemble a flashlight. Once they find it, they regroup to search the first and third floors for the pieces of yellow paper. They spend hours searching filthy classrooms, digging through debris and trying to pry open jammed doors. By the time they find all three papers, they’re sweaty and tired from effort. Chalk dust and dirt sticks to their sweaty skin, making them feel itchy.
They bring all three pieces of paper together in their designated classroom, examining the documents with the dim flashlight. Justin chuckles, “Wait a minute, this is like the letter I got yesterday,” showing the group the first piece of paper. Dave notices the second piece of paper is a replica of the one they just signed.
“What the hell?” Dave mutters, “You read these, braniac,” he says, shoving the papers toward Stan as they all sat on the floor in a circle. Just as they begin to examine the papers, the P.A. system crackles to life again. This time they’re addressed by the distorted voice of an unknown man.
“Good evening, gentlemen. By now you should have found the objects of your first task: a flashlight, and three pieces of paper. You may recognize these sheets of paper. The first is the invitation letter you received, sent by our associate designated ‘G.M.’ The second is the waiver and stipulation for your stay here. The third and the most important, contains the instructions for the remainder of your stay,” the voice explains evenly.
“As we have stated, this is a contest. However, it is not a standard contest of strength or wit. This contest is that of willpower and decision making. As the paper in front of you states, you are to select one among your group to be sacrificed,” the voice pauses, allowing the words to be absorbed fully. “You will have until Sunday at 6 P.M. to decide which one of you shall die. The two remaining group members will receive the prize money as promised, ten-thousand dollars cash.”
The boys begin shifting, squinting at the papers in front of them. “What is this, a joke?” Dave asks. Justin’s eyes widen to respond, though the mans voice from the P.A. system interrupts them.
“There are, however, rules for contest. Rule one, you are not to take the action of murder upon yourselves, or all of your lives will be forfeit. Rule two, if you do not complete this contest by the alloted time, all of your lives are forfeit,” the voice explains.
All of them turn a sickly shade of green. “This is probably some reality show gimmick,” Justin tries to joke, though the choking in his voice is obvious. “Maybe tomorrow we’ll find out this is part of the test,” he suggests before being interrupted by the speakers a final time.
“Gentleman, make your decision using any means necessary. However, keep in mind the rules, clearly stated on the documents in front of you. Good luck,” the system shuts down.
All three of them sit silently for several minutes before Stan asks, “What’ve we done?”
“This has to be a joke,” Justin assures them, “you’ll see.” The three lie in their cots, pretending to sleep. They spend restless hours in the dark evaluating their situation silently until the sun pierces the dusty classroom.
“What time is it?” Dave asks without looking at his own watch, slightly delirious from a restless night.
“Seven A.M.,” Stan responds solemnly, picking up the bag of bread. “What do we do, now?” He asks, taking a bite out of the stale bread.
“We read this shit,” Dave states, picking up the papers, “and try to figure out if this is real, or a joke.”
“Of course it’s a joke. Stuff like this doesn’t really happen,” Justin says as lightly as he can. “Last year I took this class where we learned how to write Reality shows,” he explains.
“But,” Dave interrupts, “If you write them, how are they real?”
“Well, you do like this,” Justin suggests. “You trick people, get ‘em to sign stuff and film it. Producers pay all kindsa money for that low-budget stuff.”
“That’s fucked up,” Dave states firmly. “Let’s just read this stuff and see for ourselves.” He reads the first page intently, then passes it on. Each of them read all three pages repeatedly, unable to find a loophole, or any phrase that suggest this could be anything other than what the man over the P.A. system explained. Their vision blurs after hours of reading.
By noon, they were all staring at each other, unsure what exactly to think about the situation. None of them had slept so their minds were drifting in and out of rational thought.
“We need water,” Dave suggests randomly, standing quickly and walking in strides fast enough to suggest he just wants to get away from his friends. “There’s gotta be a fountain or somethin’ with water.” He fakes a cough before escaping the classroom.
Justin and Stan were left staring at each other. Justin tries to break the silence by asking “What do you think of this?” casually. Stan doesn’t answer. Instead, he displays catatonic traits, barely moving and certainly not speaking.
“What is this?” Justin demands, “The silent treatment?” He moves closer to Stan’s personal space, hoping to eliciting a reaction. “C’mon, Stan-man,” he says, unable find anything to add. The two sit in silence for what seems like hours in a hungry daze before Justin decides to explore more of the building while some daylight is creeping through the boarded windows. He hopes for some other solution to their challenge to present itself by going through some of the stale classrooms alone. He doesn’t find one.
Dave, on the other hand, locates water. Unfortunately, the only running water is in a bathroom sink on the third floor and it’s not exactly clean. When he turns the handle, rusty red water sputters out of the faucet in uneven spurts. “Gross,” he comments before dipping his head into the sink for an unfulfilling drink.
Dave uses the remaining daylight hours to explore the rest of the third floor. He scours the library in case the few books left on the shelf were deliberately placed as clues, or any of the high windows hold an escape route. His stomach growls as he scans the shelves, as though it is hopeful for a ham sandwich left for him. He feels helpless and lost. What’s worse, is he feels for the first time in his life that he is alone, turned against his best friends.
After the remnants of sunlight fade, they find themselves back in the same classroom, left in an awkward position by the contracts they signed. They are only able to see one another by dim flashlight. “One flashlight, one room with a single tiny window for daylight. It’s like we have to stay with each other,” Dave realizes.
“Maybe, we can just escape,” Justin suggests, finally accepting the situation as it is. “Maybe, a cop will be lenient on us when these dudes say we broke that contract. We can tell them that psycho woman confused us, or seduced us!”
“Right, we’ll just squeeze through the bars on any of the busted ass windows, or break down the solid front door,” Dave sarcastically replies, annoyed from hunger and the rusty taste in his mouth. “What about him, why isn’t he talking anymore?” Dave asks, pointing to Stan.
“I dunno, he just stopped talking after we read that stuff this morning. He won’t say why or nothin’” Justin answers, shrugging. “Maybe we should just feed them Helen Keller over there,” Justin suggests, gesturing at Stan.
“That’s not funny, Justin,” Dave says sternly, watching Stan’s face contort as though he is trying to respond. “What if we just gave ‘em you, then we could all go home and forget this,” Dave glares at Justin.
“I was joking, man. Chill,” Justin holds up his hands defensively. “What do you think we should be doing then, since you’re taking charge anyway?” he replies with sharp poison in his words.
“What do I think? I think I’m gonna read the instructions next time,” Dave replies, “And, I’m going to sleep, it’s like one in the morning. I got a headache,” He shrugs before shutting off the dim flashlight.
“Right, boss,” Justin says louder than necessary. “Or, how about this. We figure this shit out right now so I can go sleep in my own damned bed,” He says, standing up quickly. His harsh movements flip over his cot, spreading dust through the air.
Stan starts coughing, but doesn’t protest. Justin flips the flashlight on again, shining directly in Dave’s eyes.
“Is that a tough request? Why don’t we just draw straws or something? Flip a coin,” Justin suggests several seemingly fair alternatives to simply deciding one of his friends should be killed by the mob, or whoever his tired mind deems responsible for their predicament at the moment. Physical and mental exhaustion take their toll on them, each becoming less coherent as time passes, aided by the stale air and clammy skin.
“Because that’s stupid. You can’t leave something like that up to chance. But, I guess you’re cool with that since you got all the luck out of any us, huh?” Dave snaps, inviting an attack with his open arms.
“Hey, you’re the lucky one, fatass,” Justin quickly retorts, “My sister said you sucked in bed that time you got ‘lucky,’ by the way. Why do you think she didn’t call?” He takes a step toward Dave, shuffling more dust around.
“Ya know what? This is stupid, I want to sleep, and unlike your princess self, I don’t care where I am,” Dave taunts, laying on his cot with his back to the flashlight and Justin’s harsh attacks.
“Whatever,” Justin snaps, allowing his own fatigue to get the best of him. He shuts off the flashlight after righting his cot. The anxious trio spends hours lying in bed, staring at flecks of dust that catch the moonlight through the broken window, still unable to sleep. The crisp Fall air trickles in, piercing the cots thin fabric.
Dave has the most trouble staying still when the breeze cuts through his thin tee-shirt until he finally decides to pace the hallway away from the cold. His mind races, trying to sort the details of their situation to find a viable solution that wouldn’t ruin their lives. His efforts however, are in vain as hunger, fatigue, and thirst distracted his thoughts.
Justin stays in the room half-awake, but his mind is also busy. Though, his thoughts were even less helpful than Dave’s. Justin spent the dark hours of the morning brooding over every injustice either of his friends had done him since they were children.
Stan’s body shakes with terror as he imagines how easily he’ll be chosen as the contests sacrifice. He reminds himself that he’s the weakest, slowest, and most pathetic of the group. In the dark corner, he’s crying.
As the sun begins to rise, Justin sits up. “Hey fag, did you sleep at all?” Justin asks Stan, “What time is it?” He waits a few minutes for a reply. His head is pounding, frustration dictating his reaction.
“Okay, what is this shit? Why aren’t you talking to us no more?” He demands. The noise could be heard in the hallway, but Dave doesn’t return. Justin decides to make Stan react.
“Ya know, I had a dog once. The bitch wouldn’t stop barking. We finally had to beat her to silence,” Justin explains, standing from his cot. “Maybe the opposite will work on you, bitch,” He warns. Several blows to the face and stomach cause Stan to cry out.
“Alright! Stop! Why do you always hit me?” Stan sobbed, blood flowing freely from his nose and a cut above his eye. “I thought if I could make you forget I’m here, you’d finally leave me alone! You could go bicker with Dave for once, instead of just picking on me!” Stan shouts, picking up his glasses from the floor. One of the lenses broke, and the bridge of the frame is bent so they don’t sit right on his face.
“What the hell was that?” Dave shouts as he barges into the room. “Why is he bleeding? What happened?” He asks Justin, who is standing over the cowering Stan.
“That silent shit,” Justin begins, “Didn’t it bug you? I mean, isn’t that like silently saying he’s better than us, or he doesn’t need us?” Justin asks, “Or worse, that he doesn’t hafta help us figure this mess out? He’s just as guilty as any of us,” Justin explains through labored breathing.
Dave rolls his eyes, scanning Stan, who’s pleading eyes suggest he expected a timely rescue. “What do you want me to do about it? You’re asking for it every time you fail to stand up for yourself,” Dave snaps, feeling a mixture of guilt and irritation simultaneously. Stan’s brow furrows in response, but he says nothing.
Dave stands in the doorway, staring at Justin. Justin stands to leave. A few minutes later Stan follows. Dave takes the opportunity to help himself to the last piece of stale bread, which he painfully chokes down. Hours alone allow Dave to remember the fun he had with his friends when they were kids, and teenagers. He fondly smiles at the memories, as though his life was flashing through his delusional mind one last time.
Stan is the first to return as the sun is brightest in the room, sometime after noon. He looks pale, filthy and more pathetic than usual. His broken, filthy glasses contort on his face. “I hate you,” he says upon entering the room, glaring from behind his broken spectacles.
“Uh, why? What’d I do?” Dave raises an eyebrow at the harsh greeting.
“You think I’m weak,” Stan clenches his shaking hands. “You think I deserve to die for this contest, don’t you? You wanted to leave Justin to do whatever he wanted,” he accuses.
“I didn’t say that. Look, we’re all stressed, tired and hungry,” Dave tries to reason with him before being met with Stan’s outstretched foot. Dave is hit hard in the chest, knocking the wind out of his lungs. When he hits the ground, pieces of old blackboard, tile, and other debris distribute a thick cloud of dust in the air.
“I need the money more than you!” Stan cries, his fist meeting the side of Dave’s head, sending both of them reeling in pain. “You never respected me, or my ambitions!” Stan draws his hand back for another swing when he is caught by Justin.
“Hey! What the hell?” Justin asks dragging Stan away from Dave. Justin has to guard his head from Stan’s thrashing protests. Stan’s foot finds part of Justin’s leg, causing Justin to let go. Stan slumps to the ground. All three of them are wheezing from dust inhalation and dehydration. Each of their minds racing, but no coherent thoughts arise to form words. They sit in a heavy silence for nearly an hour before the P.A. system crackles to life for the first time since Friday night.
“Gentleman, my employer will be joining us shortly, at which time we await your decision,” The voice of G.M. echoes. “At six P.M. sharp, you will deliver your decision to the main office. State the name of the sacrificed through the door, and you will be released,” she concludes calmly. They all stare at each other, as they hear the lights in the hallway buzzing to life.
“By now, it’s pretty clear that we all hate each other, so maybe we should all die like this,” Dave reccomends, feeling the blood on his lip mix with dirt on his chin. “But then, I want to live a little longer, so maybe we should just draw straws. Maybe one of us will get something out of this mess,” Dave suggests.
“Fuck that,” Justin snaps. “I suggested that on Saturday, and you turned it down because we ‘can’t leave something like that to chance,’” he challenges. “I say you,” Justin concludes, lowering his head. “I say we give them you.”
“Yea,” Stan agrees. “You think you’re so smart, but you didn’t figure it out. You didn’t help me, or anyone else. You never help anyone,” Stan glares, sure in his decision.
“That what you want, huh?” Dave’s eyes tear as he digests what he hears from his long-time friends. He wants to argue that they still had six hours left to decide. He wants to beg for his life. He simply doesn’t have the energy left after this dreadful weekend. “Fine,” he surrenders.
They shuffle downstairs, Justin and Stan in the lead. They trip over debris, and cough against dust and dirt in the air. Justin whispers “David Connolly,” through the door of the Principals office.
“I don’t think that was loud enough,” Stan suggests.
“Then, why don’t you do it? I’m not cool with killing Dave like this, it’s too weird,” Justin scowls. His own mind was betraying him. He hoped the promise of a large sum of money would make the process easier. It did.
“Fine,” Stan agrees. “David Connolly,” he bellows in a voice that echoes through the building. Dave, who is standing in the doorway, collapses as though the reverberation of his own name zaps away the bones in his body. He stands on shaky knees, walking to the giant front door. He sits on the floor in the stale dark hallway, refusing to make eye contact with Justin or Stan.
After several agonizing minutes in the flickering lights, they hear the chains on the front door being removed. They listen intently for the sounds of a small corporate army, or some other unsavory characters intent on ending a life. The front door creaks open, sunlight pouring through the door causing temporary blindness to the former captives.
“Well done,” came the single voice of G.M. from the daylight. “As promised, your money,” she drops a black bag on the ground next to her. “However, things are not as they seem for you,” she says to Stan and Justin specifically.
“A contest can have only one winner, when one bag of money is present,” she begins, pacing in the doorway. “David, claim your prize,” she says firmly to the figure of Dave sitting on the floor. In the sunlight, her features were much less attractive to them. Her skin is pale and scarred. Her translucent sunglasses revealing a cold, vicious stare.
“What?” All three choke in unison. A feeling of relief and terror rushes over them. Dave stands to face her. “What did you say?” he demands.
“The prize, is yours,” she says in a stern voice that almost growls.
“Why? What was the meaning of this? Are you gonna kill them now?” he rattles off questions, not sure he wanted to know any of the answers.
“This was a contest, as I said,” she states plainly. “No one is going to die, and I have no employers,” she says.
Dave doesn’t respond. Instead, he charges her with all of his remaining strength. She effortlessly deflects his attacks, laughing as she defends herself “Oh, please! You don’t think I’d abduct young men without first have a plan to defend myself, do you?”
“You keep your filthy money, witch. I’m going to the cops with this. You’re going to pay,” Dave threatens, tears washing away chunks of dirt from his cheeks.
“This great country we live in doesn’t acknowledge that what I’ve done as a crime. I haven’t held you against your will,” she says, showing them the legal contracts they signed. “The only damage you’ve sustained is psychological, and probably social. I’d share more, but you won’t pay attention anyway,” she explains coldly.
“One newspaper calls me a ‘social serial killer.’ I dare you to do better.”
Monday, May 23, 2011
Feedback request on a "Character Design"
Hi everyone. Now, this may seem like an odd blog post, and I may not leave it up for very long - but I have a favor to ask you. I'm practicing with descriptions of things. I'd start with sharing the stuff I've done with my dog, cats, house, etc - but I thought it would be more interesting to go all-out and write up a description for a monster that doesn't exist (to my knowledge). This monster is copy-written by me, so please don't steal any of it. As a writer, this is my biggest fear - but I want to learn from this giant "Beastie" thing. I tried to stay away from "It's 7' tall with fangs and..." type description, so I hope this reads okay.
Please, please, please leave feedback of some kind - anonymously or otherwise (though, I can't give you a thank-you card or message without knowing who it's for), or you can send it to my e-mail address: DerringerRegn@Gmail.com
Beastie to the five senses:
It's tall, with broad shoulders that would be difficult to squeeze through a standard doorframe. His head is held low, almost parallel to his shoulders – and forward, like a bird craning its neck to get a closer look at its prey. Its head isn't shaped the way a humans would be, it's mostly triangular, with an incredibly small sunken nose. Its chin leads the direction of its face, protruding sharply wherever the creature appears to be looking. It has no features like a mouth or eyes visible. That is to say, where the eyes or mouth should be there are no sockets or definition to represent an opening for a mouth or placeholders for eyes.
The creatures movements are slow but deliberate, as though each muscle effort is directed by a lagging computer command. Its legs are too short for its approximate 7' tall frame, and the creature seems to lose its balance easily. It's large arms make up for its awkward legs, powerful blows are capable of crumbling cement to dust, if it can get to its target.
If you were to meet his creature face to face, you'd swear you were only looking at a shadow. Only this figure seems a shade darker than a shadow, as though it represented the complete absence of light or color. Its outline seems to shift slightly before it moves, making its movements seemingly predictable – but that's not quite the case. The figures body shape seems as stable as a thunderstorm – its shapes are very indistinct like a series of broken lines sloppily sketched around its outline. Looking directly at it almost makes the figure disappear, as though distorted by a lenticular lens. It's difficult to see anything of this figure, making it incredibly difficult to share accounts of having seen it with others.
This creature is the thing you see out of the corner of your eye, or in a darkness in the shadow that appears to be watching you. It waits for the moment that weakness shows before it strikes. Its strikes aren't direct unless it's entirely necessary. For most, it saps the energy of its victims using the electrical feeling emitting from its body in most cases.
The creature is mostly silent. The only sound that can generally be heard is a quiet crackle that comes from a seemingly electrical current emanating from its body. No growling or roaring can be heard in its presence, though the odd sound of indistinct whispering may originate from somewhere within the beast.
As you get close to it, every hair on your body stands on end as though a thunderstorm is brewing from within its form. The seemingly electrical charge makes you hesitate approaching it for fear of being shocked, but you can't back away as the charge holds your attention. If you're ever in the unfortunate situation where you have to make physical contact with the creature, you'll likely feel layers of hard, leathery skin split and peel in the rough pattern of weathered tree bark.
The various layers create a very course, sandpaper-like feel to the monster, and his touch is the one thing that truly grounds it to our plane of existence. If you touch the creature, you're sure to know you've touched it by the scrapes and cuts left by its skin alone.
Before seeing this creature, or hearing or feeling it – you'll likely catch a whiff of the strange mixture of sulfur and decaying flesh emitting from its body. The sulfur is very faint, like rich bath salts in too-hot water, but the decaying flesh is what will really get your attention. It smells as though the creatures heinously course skin is compiled from the dead flesh of victims - leftovers of whatever this creature does to people. It doesn't appear to eat them, so perhaps sustaining its existence is the goal of torment.
Accompanying the rank smell of this beast, you're likely to taste metal in your mouth when it's nearby. The taste is something akin to biting your tongue and tasting the blood. It's a very subtle taste, but it will give you the feeling of utmost discomfort. Likely caused by the seemingly electrical pull caused by this creature, you'll have felt like your head is in a vice with the taste of coppery metal in your mouth if you get too close – even without realizing what's happened.
An encounter with this beast is enough to cause alarm in the most stable of hearts. The only thing I can recommend to you, is to keep your head and run. The static draw is powerful, but understand what happens if you get close - you won't like it.
EDIT: I've taken all of the feedback into consideration and have rewritten this for myself. That one I won't be sharing, because where's the fun in that? In short I've given the beastie a nickname (to replace "its") from the point of view of my main character (so it's goofy, but meaningful), added more description including the little things that I've managed to leave out, and clarified several points that were muddled by trying to cover all of my senses. Any more feedback is certainly welcome, so please don't hesitate! (I mean it, pretty please!?)
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Nitpicking Inaccuracies
You know those websites that exist simply to point out the errors in films? Like this one: Moviemistakes.com. Seems pretty simple, to pick apart a movies accuracy in a number of fields. Today I was watching Jurassic Park, and I started thinking about why the 'mistakes' don't matter so much as the story, characters, and freaking dinosaurs.
The first mistake often pointed out in the 1993 film is that the paleontologists at the beginning of the movie dig up the velociraptor skeleton far too quickly. You know what's even more annoying than that inaccuracy? Watching them actually carefully pick apart every piece of real fossilized bone. The amount that was uncovered in the film could easily lapse a National Geographic series narrated by a dry old man who spent his entire life working on this one project.
The second is the various computer inaccuracies and debug lingo. Yes, we're all very proud of you for knowing so much about computers – but in layman's terms? Computers in 1993 are also boring. This is why the error message was an animated homunculus-Dennis Nedry saying “Uh-uh-uh, you didn't say the magic word!” when a wrong password is entered, which would never happen – but it's funny. It's a humor device in the plot, and how many people would know better at the time?
In order to better visualize the computer sequence at the end where they're frantically “searching” for the right file to restore security in the Jurassic Park compound, it's nice to have a visualization. Again, the system wouldn't be laid out on an easy-to-follow button grid, but it helped the people who didn't have computers in 1993 (think about it, did you?) get a general idea of what was going on.
The final mistake that I almost found myself nitpicking during the film was the shotgun that Grant shoots at the raptors through the window. It leaves bullet holes about the size of a .22, regardless of the very obvious shotgun shells lying on the ground next to the shotgun as they run for cover. But you know what looks really unimpressive? A .22 pistol pointed at a dinosaur. You know what looks not-like-a-bullet-hole? A shotgun blast through glass.
You know what else is inaccurate: Living, breathing dinosaurs. Yet we're willing to overlook a major “wait, what?” plot in favor of complaining about the little things, it's a strange phenomenon, really. I know there are other issues with this movie, like which side of the road the guest-car was pushed off of by the T-Rex (Who really cares? A truck was pushed over a cliff by a T-freaking-rex!)
Errors in movies often come on purpose for the sake of entertainment, yet some things “just get to us” for seemingly no reason. Nurses will have trouble with medical films or TV, gun nuts go nuts for gun inaccuracies, and science nerds can't stand inaccurate science.
The best I can come up with in defense of these types of inaccurate things is: That's not the purpose of this film or show. You're not going to watch Criminal Minds and learn how to really profile serial killers, or watch House and learn to be a doctor, and there was certainly some disappointment from me as I learned paleontologists don't really get to go to dinosaur zoo/theme parks. I was eight when that film came out, cut me some slack.
Really though, if you're using fictional mediums like TV shows or films (that do not say “documentary” anywhere) to learn valuable things, then you're probably an idiot who should be removed of television rights. I mostly blame you for the success of such shows as "Two and A Half Men" or "Mike and Molly" in an era that could thrive much more on smarter shows that don't rely on laugh tracks.
Remember in Galaxy Quest (1999) when the alien race called “Thermians” thought the TV show Gilligan's Island was real, and they grew somber thinking about “all those poor little people?” They called Television “Historical Documents” without realizing that we use fiction, and lies to tell stories that may be less than true. Based on truth, sure – but fiction is more than that. It uses the truth to explain situations (as used in many horror films, which focus heavily on human psychology and sociology of groups), but it uses lies to explore alternate possibilities in our world.
Television and Hollywood films are not real folks, sorry to be the one to break it to you. If there are blatant inaccuracies it is possibly one of two reasons: The writers didn't know better (because it's a common assumption or they don't do their fact checking, which is a bad writer) or they didn't think you'd know better so they used artistic license to do whatever they wanted for whatever reason – and they got paid for it either way.
That means that all of you who get upset because something realistic is changed in a film or TV show is the end of the world should look up Applied Phlebotinum. This phenomenon allows writers to make up things like the “Sonic Screwdriver” from Dr. Who in order to fill some function of the plot, or change the bullets that come out of a shotgun to emphasize a situation.
The point is, if you're going to complain about some inaccuracy in fiction, complain about all of them – or really, you're not allowed to enjoy any fiction at all and you're trying to screw it up for the rest of us. You're probably also the person that complains about how accurate Superman is in any of his many films, comics, deaths, and rebirths (he's an alien from a planet named after an Earth-element, a goofy Kansas man, and has been around since 1938, give him some wiggle-room to change once in a while), which really just makes you silly.Now, go enjoy some fake science and write a story that makes people wonder why the owls are not what they seem. You'll feel better once you can let the nitpicking rest once in a while. You do believe in Transformers, after all.
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